"...I beg you... to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."
Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903
in Letters to a Young Poet
Today marks one year since we arrived in Siem Reap. I am living the questions, as hard as I can, and there are more questions than ever.
I had every intention of writing an entertaining retrospective of the last twelve months, but this just isn't one of those days; all feeble attempts to write have been quickly deleted. Steve and I thought that perhaps we should treat ourselves to a nice dinner out to celebrate, and then we were invited to a party to celebrate two birthdays and a farewell, so instead we'll go hang out with an interesting bunch of young expats and we'll toast to birthdays and farewells and anniversaries.
And I'll keep trying to live the questions, which come fast and furious. There are plenty of new questions since this time last year, and some of the same old ones continue to provide fodder for endless mulling and theorizing. Now I understand why Cambodia advertises itself as the "Kingdom of Wonder" - it leaves me wondering about so many things every day.
So, lacking profound things to say about our first year in Cambodia, I will instead leave you with a peek at my notebook collection. Some of you who know me well may remember that I love notebooks: the symbol of a fresh start, of learning something new and promising myself I will only write neatly this time, a repository for lists and random thoughts and notes from dinner parties. One of the good things about Siem Reap is that there are a number of shops that sell notebooks, and I've amassed a nice little collection, each chosen for their interesting cover art or captions.
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| "Whispers of love Love is good for your heart My love for you will never end" "HEART TO HEART ENVELOPE SET Love and friendship" "Enjoy your writing with MengFeiEr products" |
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| "WOOO is super ecological building material" "WORK SHOP" |
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"I lost you. This is in the world, each persons have the person who wants look for, once missed will not come back." |
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| "very good" "so love" "pain past is pleasure" "of all...papo terie r" |
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"notebook" "best""story" "beanfield" |
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| "No. 1 STRONG Good quality worthy of trust Be the best oneself" |
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| "FLOWER Happy time together we spend exciting every day" |
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| "That's incredible!" "Sim Sim!" "happy" |
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| "What's up in your Fashion? Precious things are very few That must be why there's just one for you" |
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| "Lattice emotion Because earlier results in the past (the first due to consequences) is one of the characteristics of the causal link, but the causes and consequences must be contact with the inevitable, that the relationship between ...pace...home...step up...nest...cell...shack... ...cage....bleach...coop...fossa... the two is the relationship between cause and be caused" |
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| "I promise that I'll be able to recover all my memories of you she said all of a sudden as we were walking along... We've se enten so together. Ever nery In rla I would fee your traces. Newborn babies. the pntt on the plate that you can see under a paper-thin slice of sashimi: fireworks of one summer. The moon hidden by clouds over the scene at nig... When I'm sitting down inadvertently stei on toes nnd have to apol when someone I've dropped..." |
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| "Eternal Forever Hot Thailand Summer Chili" "Silent is a silent movie only images of early film, film itself is silent, only the background music. Dramatis personae through the movements, facial expressions so the that audience understand the plot, a bit like a pantomime. When necessary, would be to insert some subtitles to help viewers understand what people say." (The even smaller writing in the upper right makes even less sense.) |
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This one is valued for the caption printed on every page: "Take up your pen and open your note book right now. Note down what you thought, what you felt. Return to the writing age. After many years, when you open the notebooks, you will find something different about yourself. You will feel that everything is on its way to somewhere." |
As a matter of fact, I do feel like everything is on its way to somewhere...
4 comments:
I have so many of these notebooks... my current one is:
MEMORY CAT
Memories with you is lost. I do not want to forget. It is memory accumulation equipment which the human begins who forget various things produced. Please don't lose your precious memories.
What's up in your fashion?
I think my favorite is:
Best
Story
Beanfield!
Congratulations on your one year anniversary. The longer you guys are gone, the more I miss you, but the more I understand why you love living there.
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