I've always considered myself a not very social person. While I love my friends and family and enjoy their company, I've always craved and enjoyed time to myself. In some ways, many of my social needs were met at work, where I spent time every day talking to clients and co-workers. For many years, Steve had to work hard to talk me into attending parties, let alone hosting them, but over time I became more enthusiastic and less neurotic about it. Over the years, we developed a habit of hosting small dinner parties for 2-3 other couples at our house. In the beginning, I would freak out at the idea of inviting over two other couples who didn't already know each other. What would we talk about? What if they didn't hit it off? As with many things, immersion therapy worked and I came to enjoy these gatherings, but I would still be left feeling as though I needed a day to recover. I suppose I fit the definition of an introvert quite well: I am someone who recharges my internal batteries by having time to myself rather than by being with other people.
Once I figured out Facebook a few years ago, I realized that it was exactly what I needed to stay connected to people without actually having to expend all the energy I require for face-to-face interactions. I really enjoy knowing what my friends and acquaintances are up to, and despite Steve's initial complaints about Facebook being a place "where people just post stupid shit like 'I just ate a muffin!'" I find that lots of people post lots of amusing sound bites about their daily lives, as well as links to things on the internet that are sometimes actually useful (and sometimes eat up ridiculous amounts of my time.) As my high school reunion was approaching last year, I was able to reconnect with some people who I hadn't heard from in 30 years and it turns out that some of them are really fascinating, or hilarious... or odd, but in a charming way.
So having lived in the same place my entire life and worked in the same place for more than 20 years, I had a nice (but small) network of friends and family, and especially as parenting duties became less time-intensive over the years, I had found the balance of social time and alone time that worked for me. And now here I am, in Cambodia, and as with almost everything else, I've lost my equilibrium.
There is no shortage of social opportunities here. Siem Reap is full of interesting ex-pats from all over the world, and people who choose to come and live here all have interesting tales to tell about how that came to be. But Siem Reap is a young town, meaning that the vast majority of those other Westerners are 20 years younger than I am. They have way more energy than I do for staying out late, drinking and dancing to burn off the stress of their NGO jobs. What I really enjoy is when someone has a party - especially an afternoon party, as we went to yesterday - and 20-30 people show up to eat (a lot) and drink (a little) and even listen to someone play the guitar. This setting allows for conversation without struggling over the din of a restaurant or bar, which is a refreshing change. Yesterday we met more Americans than we usually run into in one place, which is also refreshing in its own way.
While I love meeting people from all over the world, and often find we have lots in common, there is something different about hanging with other Americans. There is some kind of shared cultural experience and shared point of reference, and not having to explain yourself quite as often is relaxing. Certainly there is the advantage of being with other native English speakers (though most every European I've met has perfect English), but while making language comparisons with Australian and British friends provides lots of amusement, it really is different. While I wouldn't say that I
prefer the company of other Americans over others, I do find it somehow easier and more familiar. When we met another American family here, a couple in the same age bracket as we are along with their two teenage kids, it was wonderful. We were sorry for many reasons to see them leave. That's the other hard thing - people leave. There are far too many times we've had to say goodbye to people we will truly miss, and there are more goodbyes in our future.
And while meeting new people every week can be exciting and I love to hear other people tell their tales of how they came to be here and what they did before making that move, telling the same about ourselves can get tedious after a while. The story of how we came to be here is not the least bit interesting to me any more, and I have condensed it into three sentences or so. (Everyone asks/answers the same questions: Where are you from? How long have you been here? How long will you stay? Why Cambodia? What do you do here?) Our story is different than most of the people we meet, since most of them are single and don't have kids, though we've met a few married couples in their 20's and 30's. Some people come here to volunteer, some come to do paid work or internships. Many are fresh out of college, looking for opportunities to travel and explore before settling down somewhere or going off to graduate school. (There are a handful of long-term ex-pats who have lived here for many years and are raising children, though all of their children are young.)
When we first arrived, we often met people through Jaz's connections. When Steve found a couple of people to play tennis with, we expanded our social circle to include other tennis players. Our friend and house-mate Richard is probably our primary social facilitator these days - he seems to know everyone in town and is very good at getting people together and making introductions. And thanks to Facebook, it takes very little effort to "find" someone again after you've met them once through a mutual friend. (Steve and I showed our age yesterday when we started to ask someone for their email address, and then were reminded, "Oh, I'm on Facebook - find me there!")
At the party yesterday (where we were, as usual, the token middle-aged couple) I was chatting with someone about life here in Siem Reap, and he asked if I found it difficult that the crowd here is so young. I said while I sometimes notice the age difference more than other times, I generally like the energy and vibe of the crowd. It was an honest answer, but I will say that I greatly look forward to hanging out with some middle-aged Americans in May!
And what do people talk about at home with their friends? I've been so busy talking about how long we've all been here and why we all came here that I sometimes can't remember what we usually talk about with people we've known for a long time. I suppose that back home we talk about our kids, our jobs, politics (Steve, not me), sports (again, Steve), news and things happening around town, the weather, our other friends, our gardens, food, our plans for the future. We also talk about our shared experiences of the past: "Remember that time...?" I miss that sometimes. Sometimes here I feel like we're all so busy getting to know each other that we're interviewing each other, digging and sifting for those common points of reference. Consequently, I find I have more in-depth conversations with people who have kids or who work in the health sector, as we can quickly establish topics of mutual interest. Otherwise, I suppose that conversation here drifts to some of the same things we all talk about at home, punctuated by people's stories of hilarious misadventures or frustrating experiences with the local culture, customs, and language. I love those stories, though I don't love them when they're told in disparaging tones, which doesn't happen too often, I'm glad to say. The very best part of chatting with new people is when you can acquire or share a tidbit of useful information: where to find a good dentist, where to get bagels, or which organization offers something you've been searching for far and wide for weeks. (The worst part might be listening to people report on their hangovers.)
In a move that is completely contrary to my introverted temperament, I helped plan an event this past weekend to get lots of people together for what we called "Casual Collaboration Cambodia," a social and networking event at a local restaurant. The idea was to invite anyone and everyone who is here doing any kind of development work to get together for social time and to identify and share our collective expertise. Many of us have had the experience of spending weeks or months seeking information that someone else already has, and only finding it when you run across the right person to ask. As with everywhere else in the world, who you know does matter, especially when you're trying to get something done. Our hope was to start a monthly meeting and create a Google Group and Wiki page to conglomerate a lot of information and save people from re-inventing the wheel over and over. Thanks to Facebook (and Richard's vast social network!) over 60 people turned up for this event. It was my social nightmare: a crowded room with terrible acoustics and people drinking cocktails and schmoozing - but it was very useful as a first step. I met a midwife from England (and we made a lunch date for this week), someone from an organization I had been trying to contact, some people who could empathize with my struggle to learn Khmer, and a few other interesting folks - all without leaving my corner of the room. Thanks to people wearing name tags, I didn't embarrass myself by forgetting everyone's name immediately after being introduced. So despite how exhausting I found the whole thing, it was a productive evening.
And today, I did almost nothing, spoke to almost no one, and have almost recovered...
